Heart.

The Heart, an organ lives within us that keeps us alive, keeps us breathing, keeps us feeling. 

This is the space where integrity, worthiness, self-love, self-worth lives. 

But it is also the space where self-judge, self-doubt, unworthiness stored. 

While both positive and negative trying to take charge, self-conflict rises & mind chatter starts.


As much as I want to feel I am worthy, a sound from the back of my head starts echoing:

 "You're such a failure & you still want to demand rest?"

"How pathetic, can't even handle small challenges"

"You're worthless"


The negative often sound louder, much louder than the positive.

The reason is that we human, focus negative's much more than the positive's. 

If you allow, it'll get even louder that one day, you will get consumed by it & sink into this void. 

The keyword here is: If you allow. 


I have always felt a void in me. So dark, so deep that I don't have the courage to confront. 

I continue allowing it to stay in my body & I consciously feed into it, in the hope that it'll stop growing one day or it'll get better.

It didn't. It became worse. I started losing myself. 

This void in me was limitless,  it will never, never be enough. It won't feel enough & it'll constantly want more. More of this, more of that. And the 'more' that they crave for is:

Fear. 

Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of sadness, fear of unworthiness, fear of never good enough, fear of insecurity. 

You may be thinking: I am feeding more happiness to it but the fact is, it is ALL acting out from the place of fear. 

You pushed yourself so hard hoping that you don't feel like a failure, instead of wanting success. 

You dated this man hoping that you don't feel unworthy, instead of giving a sense of worthiness to yourself. 

You try to be nice hoping that you don't feel rejected, instead of genuinely happy for people. 


Attended journaling class yesterday & I realized this in the midst of writing - 

WHY ON EARTH AM I KEEP FEEDING INTO THIS VOID WHEN IT DOESN'T EVEN SERVE ME OR BELONG TO ME ANYMORE.


I thought feeding it will fulfill it & one day it'll stop sucking but the fact is, they don't belong to me anymore. It doesn't serve me anymore. Instead of keeping and feeding, why not release it out of my body?


I feel into it, thank it & finally reiki-ed it. Sending life force energy & telling myself: This void, it does not serve me anymore. And it's time to release them. Are you ready?

I nodded.

& the steel void turned to glass void & it burst into thousand pieces. 

& I saw rainbows in my heart. The glasses reflected the light in my heart. The light I have forgotten for quite some time. 


I still have a lot more inner works to do.


But at this present moment, I know, 


My heart expanded & it is capable of handling challenges, as long as I am breathing. 


Sending lots of Unicorn Blessing & Love to you guys. Keep breathing. We got this. You got this. 

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