Moonie.

As my profile says, I called myself May Cih/Moonie. Why Moonie? Here's the story.

My full name is Lim May Cih but I didn't grow up by people calling me May Cih in my family, because apparently, 'Cih' in Mandarin sounds like "flag" and it means my life is like a flag, floating up and down, not stable hence I always suffered from health issues so after asking some sifus in temples, my family started calling me mei (Chinese slang).

Truth is, I LOVE my name. I think May Cih is a beautiful name and Cih is a very special spelling, I have yet to encounter anyone that has this spelling but I can't embrace the name as it will bring me sickness. Tho I still introduce myself as May Cih, I always have a feeling that I will die soon, from sickness.

As I grow older and work in the sales industry, I do a lot of callings and people always misheard my name so I short cut it to May. My name story didn't stop here. I was told by a guru (I don't recommend her at all and she shall not be named) that 'May' will stop the flow of abundance and I shall call myself May Lim. Nope, May Cih will cause health issues too so, nope, not May Cih, not May but May Lim.

I listened. I asked all my close friends and colleagues to call me May Lim. Some do, some don't and this is the identity crisis I faced. You may be thinking "name only what? How badly can it impacted you?" Well, it impacted me severely.

I struggle with a sense of freedom. I always feel I am restricted to be who I want to be. I constantly worry I talk too much, share too much, laugh too loud, or as simple as being myself. I realized this struggle by attending a course and this lady is saying her affirmation out loud "I am free to be me, I can be whoever I want to be", I broke down. I cried and cried knowing I can't be who I want to be. 

I constantly judge myself. 

I constantly blame myself for having a name that will bring me bad health not knowing, this is Law of attraction/manifestation. I am secretly manifesting bad health to myself. I constantly judge myself for talking too much, laughing too loud, etc.

I healed by doing a lot of meditations and self-reflection. The meditation wasn't easy. I saw my newborn inner child unprotected, being told that she shall not be called May Cih and there's absolutely nothing she can do to fight back. I cried and cried. I released the sadness, the identity crisis I had, and regained my power from whoever took it away. It is powerful. 

After massive releasing, I practice being truthful to myself religiously with love and compassion (you need to practice on yourself before you share with people what to do). I constantly check in with myself:

 "Do you like the name May Cih?"

Yes, I do, I love it a lot. 

 "How do you feel about being loud?"

I am loud because I am excited. If space doesn't allow me to be loud, please remind me. And I stop judging myself, some times, you just can't contain the excitement isn't? 

 "How do you feel when you talk a lot?" 

I want to listen to other people's stories too. So I will share mine, and I will allow others to share theirs too because by listening, I can learn more about friends whom I care & wisdom in the conversation. But if there's something I want to share, I will share. I learned to Balance. 

Talk to yourself more. I will share this in my next post.

Recently during a guided meditation, my guru asked "what was your name in your past life" (the same meditation on my manifestation post HAHA some things are bound to happen/misheard) and again, I heard something like "What is the other name in this lifetime?" (I know, the question doesn't gel but it's interesting how it happened isn't?) so Moonie was the name I received. Moonie, Moonlight energy & Unicorn healing energy, associate with my intuitive tarot reading and Shamanic Reiki.

So now, I hope you guys can call me May Cih & Moonie because that the name I feel belong. 

Who I am?

I am May Cih.

I am Moonie. 

I am me. 

Sending lots of Unicorn loves to you as you're reading this :) Be you.