Truth.

Its been a hectic-helly week for me and I have this strong urge to start a blog to journal my spiritual journey, so here I am, after ignoring the inner voice for weeks.

Truth.

I have encountered a lot of issues with being truthful recently, both happened on me and my friends.

And the truth I would like to discuss here is being Truthful to yourself with Love and Compassion. These three elements come in a package, never separately.

In my opinion, it means say/share thoughts/feelings that you TRULY feel in your heart from the intention of love and compassion.

If you speak your truth with hatred, rage, anger, etc, either people disregard the truth and focus on your emotion (saying you're oversensitive/being dramatic) or the other person becomes defensive (because his ego is threatened and subconsciously the defense mechanism take control). You will then realize, the original issue remained unresolved yet new issues might arise due to inappropriately conveying the message.

I love conveying messages with stories, so let's start with a true story:

Me & my boyfriend - Iggy shared the same room during MCO & he is staying with his family so the only space we get to hang out 24/7 is his room, and I mean ONLY his room so there's no personal space between us at all. Both of us love playing games and the games we played are always intense and involved friends and of course, lots of talking hence shouting unintentionally is unavoidable.

So for a couple who shared the same room, shouting interrupts the other person's peace hence arguments/disagreements are bound to happen. To minimize that, I make sure he is aware of my discomfort when it happened immediately - *insert cute voice & brightest smile* "Ning ah, your voice a bit too loud hehehe softer a bit ok ma?" & often he will reply "okaayyy ~". The message conveyed successfully and both parties are happy!

Whereas for him, he is not being truthful enough to himself and often he chooses to keep/bottle the emotion to himself 'okay la, I tahan a bit, maybe she'll tone down' but normally, I wouldn't be aware of it because I was so into the game. You know what happened next. He bottled up to a point where he couldn't take it anymore and shouted at me "woi, wtf? can talk so loud meh?" Well, of course, it backfired.

From my pov, I wasn't aware of being loud and you decided to just shout at me? How disrespectful is that! From this example you can see, he conveyed his message but I focused on his emotion because it is honestly not okay for someone to shout at you when you don't know what happened. He chose to bottle up and just lash it out to his partner when he couldn't take it anymore.

This is a common issue between couples, and when one chooses to bottle up and when it reaches the limit, nothing can be done to save the relationship, and to avoid that, you need to be truthful.

Back to the story, for someone who is always truthful with oneself, I stood up for myself and told him that It is NOT OKAY for him to talk to me like that. So then with some discussion going on, I concluded and told him that he should tell me the moment his peace was interrupted with love and compassion, in short - be truthful to himself.

The key message of being truthful with yourself is
1. To minimize miscommunication, arguments, and disagreements
2. To make sure you establish a happy relationship
3. To release emotion that doesn't serve you eg: anger
- let me elaborate a little bit for no.3. If you never tell your partner you're angry at him (I am going to repeat myself, always from love and compassion), the anger will not go away & as time goes, the anger will have a snowball effect and before you realize, everything he does will get into your nerves. You do not want that.

So the way to convey a truthful message is important. Always check in with yourself, ask yourself questions:
1. Do I want a respectful, healthy, and happy relationship?
2. Am I conveying the message out of anger or love?
3. If it is anger, how do I tell him from love? If I was him, how will I want to receive the message? You convey the message of how you want others to convey the messages to you.

It takes practice. A lot of practices and my boyfriend learned to be truthful to himself because we both have the same vision - healthy and respectful relationship. To establish that, it takes effort to practice and once you've done it enough, it became a natural habit. Now if he is not comfortable with anything, he will tell me how he truly feels and we will end up solving the issue in second.

So, another example,

If your friends did something to you and you are not comfortable, tell him your discomfort in love and compassion "Hey XX, I am not comfortable of you saying XXX because it is not nice, I hope you understand and respect my boundary and I hope our friendship build in respect".

Your friend replies will say a lot about him. Observe and see how he reacts. Ask yourself if this is truly the friendship you will want to invest your time in. If he still chooses to disrespect you after you told him your boundaries, love yourself and him by stepping out from the friendship because this friendship doesn't serve both of you.

Always be truthful to yourself from love and compassion.

----
Disclaimer:

This is my safe space to journal my spiritual journey. If you have any comment or sharing you would like to share with me, please share with love and compassion :)

If you will like to discuss or understand further from this, find me at IG @mayyyylim :) I love discussion :D

See you till next time. Sending you lots of unicorn loves!

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